Sensing a photo opportunity, I paused in the hallway of my apartment building, just before leaving for JFK.
My first night in Europe, I slept on the floor of a gondola and was awoken at 8am by an angry gondolier and a bucket of cold canal water. That same day I created a Ponzi scheme, got rich, and bought a boat for tooling around on the Grand Canal.
Opening week of the Venice Biennale is a staggering array of incredible artwork from across the world, performances, lavish parties and chance encounters - with the magic of Venice as a backdrop. Here, I patiently wait in line to see a James Turrell piece.
Swedish National Day was a busy one; after singing a bunch of old favorites with the Swedish Student Choir at the Royal Castle we cruised back to Lars and Magnus' crib to drink some brewskis.
Ran the Stockholm Marathon. I'll never do that again.
On an early flight out of Stockholm, I did some bookkeeping and realized I was quickly running out of money. I heard Soho House was hiring, so I picked up a job waiting tables.
Germany crushed Australia in their first World Cup match and you would think from the mood at Checkpoint Charlie, the Berlin Wall had just fallen.
Same old, same old in Neu Koeln.
Trying to get a head-start on my base tan, I ran into a very expensive cosmetic disaster. I decided to take a desk job with the company to pay off my bill.
When in Europe, why not Strike? At my afternoon rally, myself and a bunch of students were fighting because we are tired of not being well-educated.
After a couple days of leisure and protest, I was reminded that money is exchanged for goods and services, and I needed to get back out there and start providing one or the other.
Caught up in the moment at a coffee shop, I found myself driven to song. Coincidentally, it turned out to be the exact same medley that The Who performed during halftime at Superbowl XLIV.
Got lost in Vondelpark in the center of of town. We had some heavy rains, and fearing that the dykes might burst, I built an elaborate system of tree houses to survive.
Sometimes if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.
After two weeks on the Old Continent, I'd had enough of bakeries and body wash, so I went to Rotterdam to stowaway aboard of one of the ships from the original Holland America line. I waited there, below deck, for some time. Finally, a Dutchman approached and told me apologetically that it was actually just a sculpture by Jeff Wall.
Determined to learn the secret to making a good baguette, I got a job at a bakery in Monmartre. Man, we went through a lot of baguettes. I think we made two for every citizen in Paris.
Fête de la Musique is one of my favorite days of the year in Paris. I got together with a bunch of guys that also like to toot their own horns, and we roamed around the Marais kicking out some killer polka and marching band favorites.
Oh, and I finally broke down and got a pet.
After 24 hours of art fair madness at Art Basel, I just had to disappear into the void.
Taking a skate break with Dragos, Bogdan, and Vlad in downtown Cluj, Romania. What is it that makes skaters so great? Maybe because they don't pretend to have all the answers.
While in Transylvania, I quickly fell into a career making horror films. Here is one of my favorite scenes from a remake of the 1993 classic "Zombie Bloodbath."
I was nominated for best actor at the Transylvania International Film Festival in Cluj for my work in "Zombie Vegetarians," but unfortunately the star of "Zombies Gone Wild" took home the award.
Craving a return to the simple life, I bought a horse and some land just outside a small Romanian village.
I had a national radio show on Friday nights called "MaximumFunky" that quickly came to dominate the dial and was making waves at discos all along the Black Sea.
Ate some bad cabbage and had the strangest dream.
A sunny Saturday in London Town. Left my flat in Kensington early enough to have a Pimm's Cup before my 2pm match at Wimbleton.
After a couple days in the UK, I got wrapped up in the British obsession with royalty and eventually created my own title.
When I arrived in Milan, I ended up in Chinatown, right on Via Paolo Sarpi. I wasn't immediately accepted into the community, so I tried various forms of assimilation - including marrying into it - but nothing seemed to work. Eventually, I just took a job cleaning up at a hair salon.
In search of some peace and quiet amid the hectic pace of Milan, I spent the afternoon getting lost in the impressive and beautiful Cimetario Monumentale.
Find me if you can.
Though it's been a long time since I studied in Firenze, I realized I still had a lot of knowledge to share with the people, so I lead unsanctioned tours for a day.
What really takes the ferry ride to Sardinia to the next level is the amazing playground and the non-stop cartoons.
What many don't realize is how wild and savage the islands of the Maddalena Archipelago off of Sardinia are. In the face of great peril, I set out to capture that raw, untamed beauty.
Trapped on a ship of fools in the Mediterranean, I finally just stormed the wheelhouse, took control, and started giving orders.
I had a chance to get back to my artistic roots on La Rambla. I made this kid look like baby Javier Berdan.
Upon landing stateside, I was either not ready to return or so exhausted from my voyage that the airline crew let me put in an extra two hours aboard my flight. When they reboarded, they asked if I wanted to go back to Europe . . .
June 30: AFTER. After a full month of helping make Europe run with greater efficiency and increasing understanding between its many nations, I return to a hotter, sweatier version of the New York City I had left behind.